Where The Rubber Meets The Road

Recently, as many of you are aware, radio personality and reactionary right figure Rush Limbaugh was part of a consortium who’s intent was to buy the St. Louis Rams.

Unfortunately for Rush, being a polarizing figure did not help him in his quest to become part-owner of one of the worst teams in football. After much protest and public display, the group intending to bid on the Rams decided that Limbaugh was simply too much of a distraction, and cut him loose.

Let me reiterate the facts to date: Rush Limbaugh was part of a group that wanted to buy the Rams. The group refused to do business with him because he is a polarizing figure. Notice I said, “the group refused to do business with him”, and not, say, “the National Football League didn’t want a conservative owner”, or “Rush Limbaugh was banned from ever owning a team”, or, “Rush Limbaugh’s racist remarks caused the group to send him packing”. The reason why I didn’t say any of those other things is because NONE OF THEM ARE TRUE.

I make the above point because Rush Limbaugh and many of his supporters would have you believe that he was banned from the NFL because of allegations of racist remarks, and the tireless work of all the liberals in the NFL. The last bit is particularly hilarious, since the National Football League is easily one of the most conservative organizations in these United States. I mean, you can tell they’re liberal because of all the openly gay players.
Anyway.
Later, “sportswriter” and legendary résumé falsifier Mike Freeman, of cbssports.com wrote an opinion blog mwa-ha-haa-ing Rush’s ousting from the group, calling him a “race-baiter” and “pill-popper”. Freeman, for the record, is black. This will become important later.

Limbaugh’s supporters responded, conflating Freeman’s opinion with CBS policy, alternately denying Limbaugh’s remarks as falsified (despite Limbaugh himself admitting to several, and despite several more being captured in audio clips) and saying the remarks were taken out of context (what context could explain saying to a black caller, “Take that bone out of your nose and call me back” is a mystery to me). Ironically calling Freeman a hypocrite (there was a lot of this, and almost none of the examples understood how to use the word correctly), a racist, a – you know what? I’ll just let them speak for themselves (spelling and punctuation uncorrected, bold print added to display some of my favorite bits):


Freeman is who the “N” word was created for.


Weird I was thinking the same about your brotha in office.


You’re a racist douche just like your brothers Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson


Thanks for proving yourself to be the ni**er everyone already knew you were.


Are you a black sheep?


But hey, dem’s yer homies…right, Dawg?


MAke a real point please homely.


I heard that Limbaugh even attended a racist church for 20 years.  No, wait…that was Unqualified Barry!


Watch your mouth!!!   All this reverse-racism is starting to piss me off!  You better be careful, and I better not find a Koran in your house!!


Now go back to destroying your neighborhoods before planning a move to a state with an actual economy before your votes turn it into a socialist hellhole like the rat nest you went running from.


You’re just offended every angry white guy who was afraid of the PC police telling them “No you CAN’T.”  Your heyday is over.  Its going to get ugly.


You and your type, are the people who are putting society back 50 years!


The way it is now the NFL is predominantly black and overrun with DWI’s, murders, club shootings and dog fighting.


a black man calling a white man a pill popper yadda, yadda…


I, (of course me being just another Joe Plumber why would you listen?) think it is high time us white people not pay another dime to watch overpaid useless animals play sports.


And while we are at it, why don’t we just skip town and let you run this country into another African 3rd world country. Give away the wealth of the country to people who can’t earn a living and don’t want to work for it but just sit and complain about how racial it all is. Just find someone to blame for your ills and never once think to work and pull yourself from the pit of agony and frustration.


Gee. I wonder why Rush Limbaugh and his followers have had to deal with accusations of racism?

Of course, the truth of the matter is that Rush Limbaugh is not guaranteed by law the right to the opportunity to own an NFL franchise, nor is he prohibited by law the right to do so. If Limbaugh still wants to own the Rams, all he has to do is come up with the money. And be approved by the other owners. Just like his former partners do.
Unfortunately for them, Limbaugh and many of his flock are incredibly thin-skinned, especially considering how much of the above they dish out. Thus, when their hero is denied an opportunity because he is a polarizing figure, they rant and rave, and so does he, providing yet another example of why he is a polarizing figure with no sense of irony. Limbaugh’s response to the ousting in a Wall Street Journal opinion article dealt almost exclusively with the “false” charges of racist remarks (which he then conflates into a charge of racism), using the very same tactics he accuses his detractors of to bring up the specter/red herring of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson.
Of course, all of the racism talk is completely beside the point. Limbaugh was no longer wanted by his business partners, who did not want the negative attention Limbaugh brings. Al Sharpton did not stop Rush. Nor did Jesse Jackson. Nor did the host of sportswriters, players, or even NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. His former partners did. And instead of examining why, Limbaugh – followed quickly by his flock – immediately changed the subject. Their argument, as I understand it, is as follows:
The Checketts group (Limbaugh’s former partners) were held at gunpoint by the liberal media while Al Sharpton manipulated David Checkett’s jaw and throat and Jesse Jackson worked the tongue to force the words, “You’re out” out of his mouth.
Wait, no, that can’t be it. This is it:
Incensed by Limabugh’s desire to be a minor role-player in the purchasing of a sports team, a conspiracy of NFL players, managers, Commissioner Goodell, a legion of sportswriters, and news commentators, led by infamous supremacists Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson fabricated racial quotes, attributed them to Limbaugh, got in a time machine, went back in time to October of 1990 to replace Limbaugh with a brainwashed clone who – in a Newsday article – admitted that (among other things) he told a black caller to “Take that bone out of your nose and call me back” , used state-of-the-art synthesizing equipment to fake Limbaugh’s voice saying a number of racially charged things, then hypnotized millions of television viewers to make them think Limbaugh said that Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb’s success was actually just reverse-racism and affirmative action, and when all that failed to make the Checketts group dump Limbaugh, then the Checketts group were held at gunpoint by the liberal media while Al Sharpton manipulated David Checkett’s jaw and throat and Jesse Jackson worked the tongue to force the words, “You’re out” out of his mouth.

It’s either that, or believe the ridiculous idea that his former business partners made up their own minds, and are therefore the only ones who are responsible for Limbaugh’s ousting.

Here, let me make it easy for you Limbaugh fans, and give you the actual question: Are the members of the Checketts group in any way liable for caving in to negative publicity and ousting Rush?
And, because I like to be thorough, I’ll give you the answer, as well: No.

Darkie Toothpaste - REALLY whitens.

Aunt Jemima, of pancake fame

Have a racially charged breakfast!

Whatever happened to these beloved images from our nation’s youth? Why haven’t we seen advertisements like these on television or in magazines lately?

I’ll tell you why. Whiners. Politically Correct whiners. Our country was attacked by Middle-Eastern rodents, and there hasn’t been shit for retribution, but put a proud image of noble black people on a box, and everyone goes apeshit. No wonder this country is failing.

What is it with these crybaby, PC, NAACP, ACLU, BS whiners? It’s all about cashing in. Companies spent millions of dollars on developing these logos, marketing, and franchising the products, and now the PC whiners want a slice. That’s all there is to it.

On a completely unrelated note, excepting that all of the above arguments were made by commenters on CBSSport’s's football site in favor of the the following: the Washington Redskins won another case against Native American representatives who sued to make the team change it’s name.

Hooray for white people. To quote Frances McDormand‘s Marge Olmstead-Gunderson, I just think I’m gonna barf.

At least, this is how it would go if I were the Most Valuable Player of the Super Bowl, and I were giving a press conference afterward:

Thanks for coming, guys.
First of all, I’d like to thank the complete and utter absence of any god, deity, higher power, or benevolent omniscient being for our victory today. Especially the Christian god. The other team’s quarterback is a born-again Christian, as is most of their receiving corps, their starting tailback, and three-quarters of their defense. Obviously, if the Good Lord gave the tiniest shit about the outcome of trivial sporting events or the overpaid, crybaby sociopaths who play them, we would have lost big time. Big Time.
Second, I just wanted to thank the Spanish-language announcers for sounding excited about the game, unlike the English-language broadcast, about which the announcers seemed to feel irreconcilably suicidal.
And finally, I dedicate this victory to Pat Tillman, who deserves this nation’s highest award and deepest respect for not coming back from the dead to slay every dickbag P.R. flak who had anything to do with covering up his getting shot in the back of the head three times by fellow soldiers.
Questions?

Q: Hi, Bleat Crisco of Sportsline, here. You single-handedly won the Super Bowl. Can I fellate you?

A: No. But I see what you mean. I was particularly proud of the play when I hit the opposing receiver, making him cough up the would-be touchdown pass, then plucked it out of the air and returned it for 101 yards for the pick-six, and then kicked the extra point. I’d also like to give myself big props for all the protection I gave myself on the line. And for taking on 11 guys at once. There was no one else on the field. You’re an idiot.

Q: Hi, (name of asshole sportswriter) for (overbudgeted, overproduced, loud, obnoxious sportscast designed to make pampered millionaires slapping each other on the ass seem exciting), here. You’ve just won the Super Bowl. What are you going to do now?

A: Well, first of all, thank you for the information. I had no idea I was just in the Super Bowl, Captain Obvious. Speaking of obvious, when are you lazy-ass pretend journalists going to stop asking that dead-horse question? What am I going to do now? Fuck your teenage daughter. She’s about to move from tight end to wide receiver, if you get my drift. Then, my offensive line will run a train on her, and we’ll turn it into a bukkake video. I am the God of Football.

Q: I have a question-

A: WHO DARES QUESTION THE GOD OF FOOTBALL?!?

Q: To what do you attribute your success?

A: Hey, who let the dude from Utne Reader in here? No sportswriter would come even close to that kind of grammar. My success? Well, I just do my best, you know? I’ve got a great line, receivers have really stepped up, blah blah team effort, eat my Wheaties, eat my Flutie Flakes, eat my vegetables… Vegetable Wheat Flutie Flakes – it’s a new flavor they came up with. Not a lot of people know about it. Any of these sports clichés doing anything for you guys?


Q: Can you tell us about the movie deal you just signed?

A: Yes. I play a renegade cop who works border patrol because he lost his license to practice medicine. It’s called “Borderquack”. I take down ruthless drug-dealers by throwing footballs at them. My partner is a humorous black man. Or possibly Asian. I don’t remember; all I know is that he’s definitely too old for this shit. Anyway, after a 45-minute car chase – during which I defuse a nuclear bomb by hacking into the NSA mainframe with my Gameboy Advance, I avoid the fireball explosion by sliding under the closing metal door of some sort, defeat forty-three henchmen in a warehouse because they all attack me one at a time, deliver my catchphrase: “Luggage, bitch!”, and get cornered by the (probably brown) drug kingpin who won’t stay safely in another country and use his vast fortune to hire a competent hitman to kill me, and he explains his evil plan while my estranged ex-wife works free of her bindings, realizes that she loves me after all, and hikes me the football I use to knock out the villain. I get four million dollars for this.
That’s all the time I have for now; I have to go shoot a commercial for Powerthirst.