Just My Luck

So, my stepson is running a 104.3° temperature, probably the same illness that ran through the household over the past 2 weeks. I know this nasty little fucker of a bug, because it kicked my ass the length and breadth of Christendom.

It presented as a really ugly little chest/head cold, and while everyone else moved on from there, I was so fortunate as to develop a sinus infection so voluminous that it filled one ear. For the past week, I have have not been able to use the Bi-PAP machine for my sleep apnea, as my … There’s more of this shit. Click here.

All This Useless Brooding

I’m still writing, of course. You’d think one kind would naturally dovetail into the other, and if you were me, you would be wrong. I present this as the sort of waste of time I engage in: a fake song (that will most likely never be put to music) about a fake couple (who will mostly likely implode) for a fake band (that isn’t as good as I want them to be) in a story (that has a .01% chance of ever being published). I think I write almost twice as much material about the story as I do inThere’s more of this shit. Click here.

Real Endings For Children’s Songs, Part 4

This is a short one, but it springs to mind whenever I am called to duty.

The itsy bitsy spider
Crawled up the water spout.
Down came the rain
And washed the spider out.
Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain,
And the itsy bitsy spider heard the horrible shriek of my wife as she ran away, and five minutes later, I killed it with a paper towel.

The End.

Real Endings For Children’s Songs, Part 3

This song is incredibly annoying. Perhaps that explains the ending.

The wheels on the bus go round and round,
round and round,
round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round,
all through the town.

The wipers on the bus go, Swish, swish, swish;
Swish, swish, swish;
Swish, swish, swish.
The wipers on the bus go, Swish, swish, swish,
all through the town.

The horn on the bus goes, Beep, beep, beep;
Beep, beep, beep;
Beep, beep, beep.
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Real Endings For Children’s Songs, Part 2

Today, we examine “The Diarrhea Song.” I think you’ll find the ending more appropriately reflects the innumerable verses of this song…

When you’re sliding into first
And your pants begin to burst
Diarrhea, diarrhea

When you’re sliding into two
And your pants are filled with goo
Diarrhea, diarrhea

When you’re sliding into third
And you feel a greasy turd
Diarrhea, diarrhea

When you’re sliding into home
And the paramedics come
And you’re bursting capillaries
From your chronic dysentery
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