Posts Tagged ‘Children’s Songs’
Real Endings For Children’s Songs, Part 4
This is a short one, but it springs to mind whenever I am called to duty.
The itsy bitsy spider
Crawled up the water spout.
Down came the rain
And washed the spider out.
Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain,
And the itsy bitsy spider heard the horrible shriek of my wife as she ran away, and five minutes later, I killed it with a paper towel.
The End.
Real Endings For Children’s Songs, Part 3
This song is incredibly annoying. Perhaps that explains the ending.
The wheels on the bus go round and round,
round and round,
round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round,
all through the town.
The wipers on the bus go, Swish, swish, swish;
Swish, swish, swish;
Swish, swish, swish.
The wipers on the bus go, Swish, swish, swish,
all through the town.
The horn on the bus goes, Beep, beep, beep;
Beep, beep, beep;
Beep, beep, beep.
The horn on the bus goes, Beep, beep, beep,
all through the town.
The money on the bus goes, Clink, clink, clink;
Clink, clink, clink;
Clink, clink, clink.
The money on the bus goes, Clink, clink, clink,
all through the town.
The Driver on the bus says, “Move on back,
I’m smoking crack,” he has a heart attack.
Now the bus is heading for a cliff,
AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……
The End.
Real Endings For Children’s Songs, Part 2
Today, we examine “The Diarrhea Song.” I think you’ll find the ending more appropriately reflects the innumerable verses of this song…
When you’re sliding into first
And your pants begin to burst
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When you’re sliding into two
And your pants are filled with goo
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When you’re sliding into third
And you feel a greasy turd
Diarrhea, diarrhea
When you’re sliding into home
And the paramedics come
And you’re bursting capillaries
From your chronic dysentery
And they try defibrillation
But you’ve died of dehydration
Diarrhea, diarrhea
The End.
Real Endings For Children’s Songs, Part 1
I’ve had a lot of schooling in children’s songs. As a child, I sang them, and as an adult, I still sing them. Only louder and more annoyingly. Also, Noelle’s little buds have sung a few of their own.
But being children’s songs, they do tend to get a little boring, so more often than any dignified adult should, I find myself thinking of alternative lyrics, most of which I eventually sing to Gabe, Samara, and Noelle. Take today’s song, for example. “Five Little Monkeys” has also been called “(Insert random number) Little Monkeys”, but I’ll stick to the original – except, of course for the ending. Enjoy.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,
“No more monkeys jumping on the bed!”
Four little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,
“No more monkeys jumping on the bed!”
Three little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said,
“NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED!!!!!”
Two little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
Mama called the doctor and the doctor called Social Services, and now Mama has court-appointed counseling, and is allowed supervised visitation of the little monkeys in a foster home where they are given enough love and attention that they stay off the goddamn bed.
The End.