Less Popular Than Rapists

 

I don’t know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God.
– Vice President (and soon-to-be President) George Herbert Walker Bush, 1987

 

This little nugget of wisdom from a former President of the United States of America was neither prescient nor reflective, wise nor foolish. It was merely an obtuse echo, and one that has been resounding since the first human decided the real loonies were the ones running the asylum. Ever since that first atheist drew a free breath, the faithful have been trying to … There’s more of this shit. Click here.

Daddy Daughter Dance Downer

Horizon Elementary’s Daddy/Daughter Dance, 02/15/13.

First, the chicken dance. That beaked thing in the middle of the ring of girls is “Hootie”, the Horizon Elementary mascot. Hootie the what? I know owls. Owls are friends of mine. And you, sir, are no fucking owl.

I was one of at least a dozen grown men who groaned when they announced that “Hootie was coming out.” We were all thinking the same two things:
A) If he’s doing appearances at elementary-school dances, he should get back with the Blowfish, and
B) Is this really the time to announce that … There’s more of this shit. Click here.

Fists Of Love For The Redskins

You know what? Fuck it. The neo-racists are right. The Washington Redskins can keep their name.

“It’s just a name. It’s meant to honor the Native Americans or something. It’s not a racial epithet. People are too sensitive, and the only people complaining are a handful of white liberals. I’ve never met a Native American who complains about it. It’s not meant as a racial epithet; therefore, it isn’t one.”

That’s the neo-racist argument, and I’ve decided I agree.

With that in mind, I propose the next NFL team name (whether by change, expansion, … There’s more of this shit. Click here.

My Funny Valentine; Sweet, Comic Valentine

Note: I’m pretty much making this an annual thing. If we’re going to assaulted with pinks and hearts and unicorns and wuggley-buggley-booszhy-booo! Sorry. Anyway, if St. Valentines Day keeps rolling around just as gaudy every year, I see no reason why I shouldn’t rebut just as repetitively. So, here it is, for those who find the whole thing tacky and banal; my sledge-fisted love letter to the incorporeal entity that inhabits many a person out there, filling their hate-bladder to bursting on this, February 14:

Ah, St. Valentine’s Day. Notice the “St.” part. That means there was … There’s more of this shit. Click here.