Lucky There’s A Family Guy

I didn’t just get married. I inherited a family. A wife, a boy, and a girl.

For most of my life, however, I’ve been Single Guy™ – Uncle Randy. (Now I owe Larry Reeb ten bucks.) Anyway, being Single Guy has forced me to listen to an unending stream of complete and total horseshit about parenting. There is no class or group of people quite so arrogant, full of themselves, and bullshit prone as parents. Except comics. But we’re not here to talk about me. We’re here to talk about you, parents.

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This Is What You Want; This Is What You Get

…there was a kid who creepily reminded me of my wife’s ex – on a lot of uppers. He does not lack for enthusiasm, and punctuates every sentence with some variant of “fuck”. Not that I care, but it’s almost dizzying how many times in five short minutes the kid can drop the bomb. He’s not going to get real work any time soon. Not until at least he takes a couple Xanax and says “Smurf” instead. There’s more of this shit. Click here.