This is the blog of comedian, writer, actor, and all-around guerrilla ontologist Randy Chestnut. It is updated when he feels like it, and for this he is unapologetic. He also occasionally talks in the third person.

If you lack reading and comprehension skills, go away. If you need a dictionary, that’s fine. Ignorance is curable so long as it isn’t willful. Stupidity, on the other hand…

Anyway, share and enjoy.



Frequently Asked Questions

1. Who is Randy Chestnut, and why should I care?
Randy Chestnut is a comedian, writer, and actor based out of Madison, Wisconsin. As a comedian, he is often driven by social and political issues. As a writer, he tends to lean in the speculative fiction direction. You should care because statistically speaking, he is very likely to be smarter than you. That makes him neither more correct nor more knowledgeable than you, but it’s also statistically likely. If that sounds arrogant, then you’ve probably been taken in by 30+ years of anti-intellectual propaganda designed to make the public distrust people who know what they’re talking about. From 2000-2008, we saw the ultimate expression of this anti-intellectualism in the form of a President who was so inarticulate that his every statement had at least two meanings; the one that seemed obvious, and the complete opposite, which was usually the correct meaning.

2. So what’s this blog all about, and does it have a liberal bias?
It’s about anything and everything Randy Chestnut thinks is worth writing about. Also, it will often share stories and info about life as a comic on the road. These are the parts the blog was set up for in the first place, though they may not be the most frequent posts, as often, gigs just aren’t that exciting. Either that, or they’re a bit repetitive. It has no specific bias, but if you’re the sort of person who asks such stupid questions (and yes, there are stupid questions), you’ll probably find some kind of threadbare evidence to support your presuppositions.

3. Do I really need to subscribe?
Not really. That’s just there for the two or three friends of Randy’s who are loyal and sympathetic enough to pity-subscribe. But if you take a fancy to his writings, feel free.

4. Do I need to enter accurate and correct information when I comment/subscribe?
Only if you want to, or want to actually receive updates. Otherwise, make something up. Randy uses humpback@poop.net for his fake email. And he’s supposed to be smart.

5. Is my information safe? Am I going to start receiving offers for larger sex organs and mortgages and whatnot?
You don’t know Randy, or you wouldn’t ask this question. There is unlikely to be a single person on this planet who would be less prone to such asshole marketing and/or invasion of privacy. No one, save perhaps for Randy, will ever contact you. And even if Randy does, it will either be a script-generated update email (more likely), or a personal message (highly unlikely).

6. Um, how should I put this?
Just spit it out. We value brutal honesty.

7. Okay. Randy seems like a bit of an asshole.
That’s not a question, dipshit. But we’ll assume it was. We never said Randy was nice. If he says something that pisses you off, it only proves that you can read – or have someone who reads to you. Sooner or later, he’s going to piss you off. He’s sarcastic, caustic, rude, and wields the truth like a fiberglass axe handle.

8. Can I hold it against him?
Feel free. We do.

9. Does Randy hate Christians/women/liberals/gay people/Republicans/minorities/other or something? He said blah blah blah, and you’re not supposed to say that about Christians/women/liberals/gay people/Republicans/minorities/other.
One of Randy’s purposes in life is “not supposed to say”. No, he doesn’t hate anybody. Okay, that’s a lie, but he doesn’t hate any groups; just individuals. The reason he says uncharitable things about your pet sacred cow is because what he is saying is true. He’s an equal opportunity prick that way. He is very careful to never make untrue associations, but he will baldly state truth regardless of whose feelings might get hurt. Notice we’re saying truth, and not opinions. There is a difference. Also, make sure he actually said what you think he said. One of Randy’s pet peeves is people trying to cram words in his mouth. If he didn’t say it, don’t try to make it out like he did. He is merciless when that happens.

10. Hi. I read four sentences of Randy’s post and jumped to a conclusion, and/or I didn’t understand the point that he was making because I’d already made up my mind what he meant and/or didn’t fully comprehend the blog entry. Should I comment?
Only if you want to be savagely ripped to pieces when Randy replies. Read #9, above.

11. Does anyone really believe that someone other than Randy made up these questions and then answered them?

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