Increase The Flash Gordon Noise

It’s Science Fair time, and that usually means two things:

1. Volcanoes, and
2. The Solar System

And this year was no exception. You couldn’t swing a bored grade-schooler without hitting one of these two exhibits. Most of the junior “scientists” couldn’t have cared less about their projects; they were more interested in root beer floats, running off their sugar high from root beer floats, and shrieking at volumes generally reserved for Super Bowl halftime shows and at a frequency capable of shattering Mars (all of them).

Samara was too young to engage in this rite of passage, but Gabe had to endure the trial. After a quick scan of possible topics, he landed on mummification. Specifically, mummifying a hot dog. It was simple enough, and few (in this case, none) of the other kids would follow suit. In science fairs, originality counts. What also counts is the yuck factor, as in a slimy, room temperature stick of processed meat byproducts next to a dessicated, slimy, room temperature stick of processed meat byproducts for comparison.

Gabe’s exhibit was remarked upon most favorably, but was not the only one worth seeing. There was a pretty cool one about how to procure your own recycled paper with a coat hanger, newspaper, water, a nylon stocking, $3.99 plus tax, and a trip to Target. Another great exhibit examined the concept of playing music to plants to stimulate growth and health. The girl who ran the experiment discovered that the control group plant (the one with no music) grew fastest, because “the plant wasn’t all stressed out by loud music”. Sublime.

At 7:30 PM, the appointed time for all parents to laboriously begin deconstructing the projects they’d built 90% of, we bundled up the kids and the hot dogs. Everyone looked like they could use a drink, especially the kids.

It was Science Fair time, and then it was time to go home, safe from the demands of grade-school, good-intentioned teachers with no regard for the sanity of other adults. Until next year.

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Randy

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Randy Chestnut is solely responsible for the content of this site. Bring it, bitches.
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One Response to Increase The Flash Gordon Noise

  1. Lindsay says:

    This was very cute! And hot dog mummification is definitely a very original and clever idea.

    What’s up with all the spam comments on here with links to other web sites?

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