Top Five Things Not To Put In Your Mouth

One day, when we’ve grown up as a species, we’ll teach our children the valuable lessons we deny them out of a backward sense of propriety. Here, the, is a list of things I propose we keep away from future generations:

5. Certain types of sushi.

4. Cheap cigars. Hey, if you’re a soulless empty-suited vampire who is living fat off the misery of others, I get that you might want to kick back and fire up a fat Cuban and chuckle over your ill-gotten spoils. But if you’re eating Ramen and … There’s more of this shit. Click here.

Melvin Udall Is Laughing At Me

In As Good As It Gets, curmudgeonly asshole Melvin Udall takes in hate-crimed neighbor Greg Kinnear’s little ball of fluff after being threatened by an art enthusiast.
In typical movie formula format, he growls and grumps and stomps around, yelling at the dog, but over the course of a musically directed emotional montage, he warms to his little, four-legged charge. And when Kinnear’s Simon Bishop returns to health and takes the dog back, Jack Nicholson’s Udall grows weepy and maudlin to the point where he sickens even himself. As he plays his tribute to Monty Python, Udall … There’s more of this shit. Click here.

Han: A Zen Koan

Han was a man with many young, women suitors. This was unusual in his time, and it left him confused and indecisive. His parents had given him until his twenty-third birthday to find a wife, or he would not inherit their property.
His twenty-third birthday was approaching, and still, he could not choose among the women who desired him for a husband. He sought a Zen master.

“Wise master,” said Han. “I must choose among these women, any of whom would be an excellent wife. There is Simone, who is sleek and beautiful, and who laughs … There’s more of this shit. Click here.

Who Moved My Jeez?

Let me start by saying that we have precious few Christians left in the United States. Oh, there’s a slobbering horde of people out there who call themselves “Christians”, but they are no more so than I am, and that’s saying something.
No, the aforementioned faux-holy host of complete wankers are not Christians. They’ve long since mutated into this elitist, gimmie-pig, me-first cult of complainers, puritanical thought-police, idolaters, and money-worshipers. I think of them as neo-xtians*.

I don’t need to present a mountain of evidence for the above claims. If I’d like, I can simply use … There’s more of this shit. Click here.