Ribbity-Dibbity-Doo

Okay, so I just read the most amazing, jaw-droppingly insane essay* in the history of everything ever: an attempt to suggest that – had Andrea Dworkin only gone just a little bit further - she would have arrived at Christian marriage as the ideal.

I mean, it was a super-collider of batshittiness; like, “Hey, everybody. I hate mashed potatoes. They’re the honky-white offal of Beelzebub’s fluxing, irritable bowel, and that’s why the 426 Hemi is the best engine ever” level of crazy.

Man, I love the internet.

*No, I will not link to it. Just Google it if you’re curious.

Less Popular Than Rapists

 

I don’t know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God.
– Vice President (and soon-to-be President) George Herbert Walker Bush, 1987

 

This little nugget of wisdom from a former President of the United States of America was neither prescient nor reflective, wise nor foolish. It was merely an obtuse echo, and one that has been resounding since the first human decided the real loonies were the ones running the asylum. Ever since that first atheist drew a free breath, the faithful have been trying to … There’s more of this shit. Click here.

Applebags

As a Mac user, let me just say:

Go fuck yourself, Apple.

Looks like it’s time to switch to Linux. Take your censorship* and shove it up your privileged, smug, puckered outie holes. I guess “Think Different” means, “Pull the same fascist crap every other asshole company does”. You’d think you’d have learned a lesson after being humiliated for cranking out your overpriced, über-proprietary, arbitrarily incompatible products with Chinese slave labor**. Looks like you’re a slow learner.

It’s going to be interesting when people finally get bored with your faux-outsider, hip “underdog” public image and start seeing you as … There’s more of this shit. Click here.

Fists Of Love For The Redskins

You know what? Fuck it. The neo-racists are right. The Washington Redskins can keep their name.

“It’s just a name. It’s meant to honor the Native Americans or something. It’s not a racial epithet. People are too sensitive, and the only people complaining are a handful of white liberals. I’ve never met a Native American who complains about it. It’s not meant as a racial epithet; therefore, it isn’t one.”

That’s the neo-racist argument, and I’ve decided I agree.

With that in mind, I propose the next NFL team name (whether by change, expansion, … There’s more of this shit. Click here.

My Funny Valentine; Sweet, Comic Valentine

Note: I’m pretty much making this an annual thing. If we’re going to assaulted with pinks and hearts and unicorns and wuggley-buggley-booszhy-booo! Sorry. Anyway, if St. Valentines Day keeps rolling around just as gaudy every year, I see no reason why I shouldn’t rebut just as repetitively. So, here it is, for those who find the whole thing tacky and banal; my sledge-fisted love letter to the incorporeal entity that inhabits many a person out there, filling their hate-bladder to bursting on this, February 14:

Ah, St. Valentine’s Day. Notice the “St.” part. That means there was … There’s more of this shit. Click here.